Life back to "normal"

I haven't written in the last few weeks, as it's been pretty crazy around here. Yesterday Tim's boss told him to take the day off and spend time with Eli and I. So, we went to St. Louis and had fun in Forest Park. Below is a picture of Eli riding on Tim's shoulder, and he's leaning down for a kiss (which he always does with a wide-open slobbery mouth). This is Eli and I in front of the fountains in Forest Park.

This is Eli in the bathtub. When Daddy does bathtime, there are always lots of bubbles involved. He loves it!

This is Eli "helping" Daddy change the oil in the truck.

Tim and I are doing okay. There are moments when we just want to stay in bed and cry all day, but we know that is not what God wants. We have to stay strong and put on the armor of God- we're in an all out war, and we're not willing to let satan win. Please continue to pray for strength and healing for our church family, that we would always honor God with our words, thoughts, and actions. Thank you to all of you who have called, emailed, and sent cards. Your encouraging words and prayers are helping us to keep going. We love you all and are so thankful for such a wonderful family (friends, that is you, too!).

In Christ,

Gwenny<><

Yesterday was undeniably the hardest day I've faced. But God's strength is enough to pick me up and keep me going. This morning as I was preparing to leave home, the Holy Spirit prompted me to look up Psalm 28. Verses 8 and 9 tell us that God is the strength of his people, he is our salvation, and he will carry us forever!

This is certianly a time when I need God to pick me up and carry me.

I'm not normally in the 8:15 service, but this past Sunday I went so that I could get back to the craft fair where I had a booth for the weekend. Tim went to teach our Sunday School class in the preschool wing but none of our kids showed up. He took a beeper so our Preschool Director could page him if more children showed up and he came to join me in the service. About 3 minutes into Pastor Fred's sermon, Tim got paged and had to leave the service. Less than 5 minutes later the gunman dressed in all black walked quickly down the center aisle. I was sitting in about the fourth pew on the center aisle. I saw him and thought, "Is he going up to give a testimony? He's not really dressed appropriately to be speaking on stage." Before I could finish my thought, he started shooting. The first shot hit Pastor Fred's Bible, causing little shreds of white paper to fly everywhere. I thought it was some kind of drama so I just sat there. I was so close I could have been there in 2 steps. Pastor Fred ran and jumped off the right side of our stage (it's elevated about 4 or 5 feet) and when he landed, the gunman stood over him and just shot. I remember so vividly seeing the orange explosion at the end of the barrell with each shot.

Two men came running up from the sanctuary and tackled the guy. At that point I realized that this all was real and I had to get Eli and Tim. I started to panic and ran to the preschool wing and into the nursery. Our pastor's 8th grade daughter was holding Eli. I grabbed him from her arms and ran out. I ran down to where Tim was and asked him if it was real. He asked what I was talking about and I started screaming that there has been a shooting. Tim ran out of the preschool wing as I chased him and begged for him to stay with me. I was afraid there were other shooters and that he would be killed, too. When I saw he wasn't going to stop, I fell to the ground and screamed. Someone took Eli from me (I don't remember who) and I just laid on the floor and cried.

These memories have been running through my mind over and over. Last night was rough. I couldn't fall asleep- all I could see was the man standing over Pastor Fred shooting over and over and over. I wish I could have done something when he was within my reach.

I have been replaying it all and wishing I would have taken action, but Tim is good to remind me that I couldn't have done anything. God is good to comfort me and He has already begun the healing process. I'm still working through the initial shock of everything and I pray that somehow, God will be glorified.

Last night we had a worship and prayer service and I experienced the most incredible worship ever. When I got home from the police station yesterday (I had to go be video taped), I got in the shower and asked the Lord, "What now, God? What now?" The only thing that came to me was, "I'll praise you in this storm." Yes, this is a storm- a very real and strong storm- but I will choose to praise. I don't understand what happened. I don't understand why it happened. I DO understand that God is present and He will prevail!

Today has been confusing. Tim went to church at about 7:30 and not too much later, I packed up Eli and walked up there, too. I didn't want to be alone. As I was standing in the church office, they walked through with the defibrilater and I lost it all over again. I spent the afternoon with Angie (our Children's Pastor's wife) and she had wonderful encouraging words to share.

I know that God is the strength of His people- our church body- and that he will carry us through this tough time.

Please continue to pray for Pastor Fred's family, for our staff (they're working very hard), for our church family, and for all of us who saw this horrible scene.