Anyway, the story goes a little something like this: I was bathing the kids (Tim was not home at the time), Eli was being a bit of a domestic terrorist, Emmanuel was a tad sensitive, and I was not handling the combination well. When I called my mom, my voice had that "come-get-your-grandkids-now" tone, and she responded in a calm, soothing voice. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it was super helpful. She reminded me to be patient with them, not to raise my voice, and to let them be the fun loving and goofy kids they are. She then said something that has reverberated in my mind many times since: If I could go back and do it all again, I'd do it very differently.
She was and still is a great mom. I remember her taking us to the park when we were pretty little and using wax paper to slicken-up the slide so we would soar down it (once I flew off the end and landed in a puddle and had to ride home in a laundry basket so my muddy hind parts didn't smear on the back seat). One time in high school I was the only girl on the cheer squad that didn't get a Christmas gift from my cheer pal so she snuck into my locker the next day and left me a gift (better than any other gift the rest of the cheerleaders got, to boot!). And more times than I can count she has come to babysit Eli and Emmanuel and when I get home the house is clean, dinner is simmering on the stove and my kids faces are dirty from playing at the park (I wasn't kidding when I said she's SuperMom!).
But back to the point, she said she would go back and do it all differently because she wanted to do a better job. When I look back at my life, there isn't one thing I've done that I am totally happy with how I did it. I wish I would have been more kind and loving to others in high school. I wish I would have made better decisions in college- I know I missed out on what major God wanted me to have, I'm pretty sure I didn't go to the college He wanted me to go to...really, I could go on and on. But my mom's statement scared me for one reason. I CANNOT get my job as a wife and as a mom wrong. I may have messed up in the past, but I CAN'T get this one wrong! I don't want to look back when my kids are going off to college and think, "Boy, I just wish I would have done better. I wish I would have been more patient when they were splashing me with water that one time when I was getting them ready for bed when Tim was gone and I was grumpy. I wish I would have played with them more and barked at them less."
So, my whole point (to myself, the rest of you probably already get it) is that I need to be quick to love my kids and slow to become angry at them (see James 1:19-20 for a scripture on this). Yep, we have a crazy life here at the Lawson Dude Ranch, but it's a great one! My husband works hard to provide a good life for us, he loves the Lord and treasures us. Eli is crazy smart, laugh-out-loud funny, and as handsome as the day is long. Emmanuel is sweet, she's a momma's girl (which I LOVE), and is a sneaky little turkey! We have supportive family, great friends, and a church like no other. What more could I ask for?
After I got off the phone with my mom, I got the kids jammied-up and put in bed. I went back downstairs to hop in the shower and pulled the curtain back to find colorful foam letters clinging to every square inch of where I wanted to be standing. But I just smiled, arranged them to remind myself to love the moment, and snapped this picture.
