Christmas cards

I ordered our Christmas cards on Shutterfly today and I can hardly wait to get them!

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Marriage and Surprises

I'm so proud of my husband. Like, really, really proud. He works hard to provide a great life for the kids and I. He loves the Lord and loves our babies. What more could I ask for? Yes, he still farts and often leaves an empty toilet paper roll just sitting there...waiting to be changed...by someone other than him. My point is that, for the most part, he's the most awesomest dude ever. Second to Jesus. But He set the standard pretty high, you know, so being second to Him is saying quite a bit.

He drives a car that was graciously given to us a few years ago, but the ol' thing has seen better days. So over the summer I got a wild hair and decided I was going to get a few extra jobs and buy him a car for Christmas. And not tell him.

I made curtains. I cut grass. I made more curtains. I cleaned houses. I made yet some more dad gum curtains. I did some landscaping, painting, organizing. I made clothes, baby slings, and yes, some more flippin' curtains. And I hung Christmas lights, not knowing exactly how an extension ladder worked. Turns out the death warnings are supposed to be right side up, lest ye ladder come falling to the pavement. But that's aWHOLEnother blog post.

But, it was really weird. I found myself loving Tim more as I completed all the tasks knowing that I was doing all these odd-jobs so he could drive a nicer car. Even when I thought I was going to fall over and die in triple digit heat working outside, there was a sense of, "Man, I really love my husband."

So for half of the last year I've saved, worked, taken on extra sewing jobs, and stuck it all in a secret savings account that I may or may not have threatened the lady at the bank not to tell my husband about. There was some hard work involved on my part, but this whole surprise gig would not have been possible if not for the incredible generosity of a couple that hired me to work for them. My favorite part is that through the process of trying to make enough money to get Tim a newer car is that I came out with some pretty awesome new friends. Sorry, I'm getting off-topic, but it was important enough I had to mention.

Enter in the dilemma. After several weeks at my new top-secret job, Tim got suspicious and asked me what I was up to. It seems that if I come home covered in mud and sweat from doing yard work at aforementioned job some people tend to think it a bit fishy. So I used vague and loose phrases to communicate something along the lines of, "Just shut up and don't ask me anything else or I'll punch you square on your left cheek because I'm tryin' to surprise your nosey self!"

Tim assumed and I didn't correct him to think that we were going to take a vacation around Christmas time. I avoided lying as much as I could and when he asked, "Are we driving or flying?" I responded with, "Oh, it's a lot of driving. A LOT of driving." Truthful? Yes. Totally honest and forthcoming? Perhaps I have room for improvement. There were many moments of "Oh snap, how do I handle this?" but for the most part, I did okay thinking off the top of my head, which doesn't happen to be one of my spiritual gifts.

So a couple weeks ago the best car dealer in the WORLD (Contact Jim Baer at www.cardinalcredit.com if you're looking for a good pre-loved car) called and said he found the perfect car. I knew I couldn't hold it in any longer and wanted to reveal the surprise NOW!

Ergo, we have today. I woke up with a nervous stomach brought to me in part by yesterday's stomach flu with support from a great deal of anxiety about how he would respond to such a surprise. Now I realize that my husband, unlike me, does not carry around little packets of confetti to toss out at exciting moments and doesn't have Inspector Gadget-like pom-pons that break loose from his palms just in time for a cheer. That said, I was still hoping for a "HOLY COW!" or "WHAT ON EARTH?!"

I hummed "Eye of the Tiger" as I saw Tim pull into the church so he could (wink, wink) "help me carry some stuff out to the car" (wink, wink). So I walked him right past our car, he turned and said, "Uh, the car is right there..." and that, my friends, is where we pick up:

Can I just say that during the last several months when I was shoveling gravel on a ridiculously humid July day, I imagined how he would turn a cartwheel when I magically unveiled his sweet new ride! When I sewed through my ever-loving finger for umpteenth time, the pain was soothed with visions of Tim sweeping me off my feet, twirling me around like Beauty and the Beast, spouting sonnets of what a wonderful surprise I had given him!

But, he just stood there. Looking at me. And my co-workers that had gathered at a second story window of the church to witness the glorious moment shrugged and said, "That's it? Hmph." and returned to more exciting things. Like stuffing envelopes.

But, hey! That's what marriage is all about! How boring would it be if we were all the same? In that moment, I had to rush back inside for my next class but after school I came home to find a grinning-ear-to-ear guy who had apparently just come out of shock because his crazy wife just sprung the surprise of lifetime on him, and he spoke right to my heart. He wrapped me in that unmistakable "Come here, Baby!" embrace, I gave him that never misunderstood "Um, the kids are still up" look, and I said, "I have SO many stories to tell you!" We plopped down on the kitchen floor and I back-filled him on all the times I had to use my cover story, on all the crazy jobs I'd done, and how I'm pretty sure the new accounts lady at the bank didn't believe my story. He threw his head back and laughed, asked so many questions that started with, "So, that time when..." and I said, "Uh-huh! Yep!" Most importantly, I reminded him how proud I am of him and that I'm super glad to be his sidekick in ministry and in life.

Then he forced us all into his new car and we drove to see our parents to show it off. Eli cried half the trip because he wants the old green car back. Awesome.

Crazy Life?

A couple weeks ago I called my mom hoping that she would open her mouth and comforting words of wisdom would flow out as I eeked ever so close to the edge of completely losing my sanity. As usual, she did her typical SuperMom thing and spoke to me exactly what I needed to hear. She's always great like that!

Anyway, the story goes a little something like this: I was bathing the kids (Tim was not home at the time), Eli was being a bit of a domestic terrorist, Emmanuel was a tad sensitive, and I was not handling the combination well. When I called my mom, my voice had that "come-get-your-grandkids-now" tone, and she responded in a calm, soothing voice. I'm not sure if it was intentional, but it was super helpful. She reminded me to be patient with them, not to raise my voice, and to let them be the fun loving and goofy kids they are. She then said something that has reverberated in my mind many times since: If I could go back and do it all again, I'd do it very differently.

She was and still is a great mom. I remember her taking us to the park when we were pretty little and using wax paper to slicken-up the slide so we would soar down it (once I flew off the end and landed in a puddle and had to ride home in a laundry basket so my muddy hind parts didn't smear on the back seat). One time in high school I was the only girl on the cheer squad that didn't get a Christmas gift from my cheer pal so she snuck into my locker the next day and left me a gift (better than any other gift the rest of the cheerleaders got, to boot!). And more times than I can count she has come to babysit Eli and Emmanuel and when I get home the house is clean, dinner is simmering on the stove and my kids faces are dirty from playing at the park (I wasn't kidding when I said she's SuperMom!).

But back to the point, she said she would go back and do it all differently because she wanted to do a better job. When I look back at my life, there isn't one thing I've done that I am totally happy with how I did it. I wish I would have been more kind and loving to others in high school. I wish I would have made better decisions in college- I know I missed out on what major God wanted me to have, I'm pretty sure I didn't go to the college He wanted me to go to...really, I could go on and on. But my mom's statement scared me for one reason. I CANNOT get my job as a wife and as a mom wrong. I may have messed up in the past, but I CAN'T get this one wrong! I don't want to look back when my kids are going off to college and think, "Boy, I just wish I would have done better. I wish I would have been more patient when they were splashing me with water that one time when I was getting them ready for bed when Tim was gone and I was grumpy. I wish I would have played with them more and barked at them less."

So, my whole point (to myself, the rest of you probably already get it) is that I need to be quick to love my kids and slow to become angry at them (see James 1:19-20 for a scripture on this). Yep, we have a crazy life here at the Lawson Dude Ranch, but it's a great one! My husband works hard to provide a good life for us, he loves the Lord and treasures us. Eli is crazy smart, laugh-out-loud funny, and as handsome as the day is long. Emmanuel is sweet, she's a momma's girl (which I LOVE), and is a sneaky little turkey! We have supportive family, great friends, and a church like no other. What more could I ask for?

After I got off the phone with my mom, I got the kids jammied-up and put in bed. I went back downstairs to hop in the shower and pulled the curtain back to find colorful foam letters clinging to every square inch of where I wanted to be standing. But I just smiled, arranged them to remind myself to love the moment, and snapped this picture.

A time for everything...

Let me first say "Thank you!" Thank you to all of you who have supported my family by being a part of the world's best clients. You all have allowed me to be at home with my babies and earn toward our family's income. If not for all my clients (and those of you who encouraged me, gave me good ideas, and informed me that some of my ideas weren't so good) this three year journey would not have been possible.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 the Bible says, "For everything there is a season, a time for every matter under heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."

So, in short, there is a time for everything. I know, my paraphrasing skills are out of this world. There was once a time to learn them, and now is the time to use them. Okay, sorry. Moving on.

Three and a half years ago we moved here to Maryville and Eli was just a tiny little sprout. I desperately wanted to stay at home with him, but we were at the point that we had to have more income than what Tim was bringing in. So, I dusted off my sewing machine (the same one my mom learned to sew on in seventh grade!) and turned out a few items. Thankfully, other people liked them (or pitied me) enough to buy them and little by little God grew my business. There were hard times and harder times, but I would not trade my experience as a designer and seamstress for anything in the world! I got to make things for very famous clients (one of which you all know as the STL Cardinal who broke the record for homers in one season!) and had the honor to make things for children in need. Best of all, I got to be a part of YOUR family by making clothes, bedding, curtains, costumes, and just about anything you could think of!

Just as with most things in life, there always comes an end. And after much talking, praying, talking, a bit of crying, talking, some fighting, talking, and a little more talking, Tim and I have decided it is the best move for our family for me to close my business, Stitches and Seams By Gwen.

I am in the process of closing my Etsy shop, but will leave up my website for 3 more months to honor my commitment to the Mommies-To-Be registered with me. I will also be glad to service my local clients on a limited basis through Christmas of this year, but please know that my turn around time will be much slower since my focus is turning from sewing to being the best dern Mommy I can! And of course, all current orders will be completed on the time schedule I originally gave you.

I shared our decision with a few clients today at the market and they all said the same thing, "But WHYYYYY?!?"

That's a great question, and let me share my heart with you.

Over the last three years, I went from sewing a few hours a week to sewing 40, 50, even 60 hours a week. It went from something I enjoyed doing while Eli was napping to something I was doing while Eli was watching TV all day or I was staying up until 4am regularly to do.

Don't get me wrong, I still love doing it (most of the time) but it has become more of a burden on my family than the blessing of having the income. God has graciously provided a new way for me to earn income by teaching at a WONDERFUL school, so it seems that, in the words of my very best girlfriend, that "God is providing a way to do what He's calling me to do."

First and foremost, I am so thankful God allowed me to have this amazing opportunity to learn so many things through my business and that I got to meet so many great people. I never would have met my sister-from-afar (who I've never actually met in person) Christy Bozeman, I wouldn't not have gained my market sister and partner in crazy living Lori Rehg. Life just wouldn't be the same without my entire Goshen Market family! And I will never forget the kindness of the Tie-Dye lady from Edwardsville that packed up my booth the morning Fred died and I couldn't return to the craft fair.

I'm beyond thankful and indebted to my mom, Karen, and grandma, Blanche, for taking my frantic calls and talking me through fixing mis-haps, broken machines, threading the surger (GRRR!), and picking me up off the floor when I'm ready to throw my sewing machine out the window. Without them, I would have been out of business ages ago!

And I would be remiss to leave out my life partner, my soul mate, and my Skip-Bo enemy Timbolicious. He's made fabric runs (literally, 11pm fabric runs), taken box after box after box to the post office, and accompanied me to more craft fairs than any man should have to tolerate.

My knuckles are white with tension as I desperately try to hang on to my business, but I'm slowly seeing that life at the Lawson Dude Ranch will improve ten-fold if I choose to close this wonderful chapter in life and begin a new one. Gosh, perhaps I'm blowing this out of proportion. It sounds like I'm dying. Sorry guys, this is a big deal to me. Just hang with me. I'm almost done.

I just want to thank all of you one last time from the bottom of my heart. You all are such a blessing to me!

Oh, and one last thing. Is there a change God is calling you make? Is there something BIG (or maybe just big to YOU) that you could/should/would do? If so, give it some thought, a big ol' heap of prayer, and seek some wise counsel. You never know what God could be working on without you knowing it!

I love you all!

In Christ,

All Sewed Out

PS- Is it too late to delete this post and let's go back to the way things were 5 minutes ago?? Oh dear, this is not going to be easy.... Deep breath, Lawson! Deep breath!

Really? Already??

Today my baby girl turned one. As in one year old. As in 12 months old. As in 365 days old. As in holy night, how did this happen?! And she's so ridiculously sweet and charming that you'll cry just looking at her. And then she'll stick her tongue (which is precariously purple most of the time) out at you and growl like an angry dog. And you'll laugh hysterically.

She has been standing all on her own for a good month or so. On July 1 she took her first single step; and last night she took six consecutive steps. But only because she was focused on the hairbow I was dangling in front of her. Today Daddy bribed her to walk by holding out a Cheetoh (really? in her new white dress? C'mon, Daddy!) and scooting backwards in his office chair so she never fully realized she was traveling any distance at all. And tonight I coaxed her to move those cute little toes by keeping the remote control just barely out of her reach. And it made me mad. Like, really really mad!

She's only a year old and the dirtbag satan is already whispering lies to her that she's not good enough! She can totally walk all on her own, but she insists on hold my hand, holding on to the couch, or just sitting on the sidelines watching her brother run faster than a hurricane. She just doesn't believe in herself! I KNOW she can do it! When I offer her my finger to hang onto, I don't offer support; my finger is as helpful as a wet noodle! But she thinks she's not good enough by herself and that she needs something to make her stronger.

Okay, I knew as a mother of a girl I'd someday have to deal with self confidence issues. But I was expecting that to be in like, I dunno, 2023?? What's up with that?!

So here's my plan. I'm going to praise the snot out of her. I'm going to tell her how God wonderfully and fearfully hand crafted her, with plans for her future, and a purpose for His glory. I'm going to tell her how I'll love her no matter what- success or failure- and that my love for her will not and cannot shrink. Even bigger than my love, God's love for her can NEVER change- He loves her more than I can even think about loving her! Shoot- I might even break out some pom-poms and busta move to build her up!

Yeah, I realize that I'm not going to do everything right. And even if I did, she will probably have bumps along the way and fall down a time or two (literally and figuratively). When she gets her first zit the day before school pictures, nothing I can say will resolve her embarassment. But I pray that never EVER will she doubt for a second that she was specially created, is deeply loved, and will forever be treasured by the King of Kings, the Great IAM, our God most high!

And friend, I want you to know the same thing! You might not think you're anything special. You've never competed in the olympics, opened for Tim McGraw, or rescued a hostage from behind enemy lines, but YOU ARE LOVED! You don't have to be someone or do anything to receive the biggest love in the world. God loves you where you are, right now! If you don't know who Jesus is, if you've never met the God I know, then go dust off your Bible and walk with me on a sweet journey.

Look up Romans 3:23. Read it outloud. Okay, again. One last time. In a nutshell, it says that everyone has sinned and that no one is good enough for God. None of us can make it into heaven (God's presence) on our own. Eek. Yikes. Ouch. **Sin is anything that misses God's mark of perfection. You can sin by doing the wrong thing (ie: lying, gossiping, lusting, etc) and you can sin by not doing the right thing (ie: not loving the hard to love/annoying people in your life, choosing to turn a blind eye to someone God wants you to help, etc)

Flip over a few pages to Romans 6:23. Read this one outloud, too. Again. And one last time. It tells us that the price tag on sin is death. Oh crud. But, thankfully, it doesn't stop there. It goes on to say that the gift of God is unending forever eternal life through Christ! Huh? Hang with me, this will make sense soon.

Lick your finger and turn a couple more pages to Romans 10:9-10. You know the drill. Read it using your best radio voice. Eh, that was weak. Try it again, but with some gusto. Better. This one tells us that to receive the gift (the one mentioned in the last verse) we have to believe in our hearts and say it with our lips that Jesus is Lord (note: not just your get-out-of-hell-free card, but your boss by choice everyday) and that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved!

Go almost to the end of your Bible. Nope, that's the index. Back up to Revelation and go to chapter 3 verse 20. One last time. Sorry, that's not true; we'll probably do this again with a few more verses. But it's worth it, I promise. It's quoting Jesus and He says that He stands at your heart's door and knocks. He wants to come into your heart to sit down and visit with you; to establish a relationship with you; to really deeply love you and be loved by you! Mmm, hmm...that's good stuff. I like it! He's not just a white bearded guy sitting on the clouds barking orders! He's a kind hearted loving Father that wants to be a part of your life and wants you to be a part of His plan!

Go back to the beginning of the New Testament to John 14:6. I won't tell anyone if you have to go to the table of contents at the beginning to find what page it's on. I still have to do that sometimes, too, and I'm been at this since I was seven! I know...I don't even have to tell you anymore to read it outloud. Oh sorry, I just did. Ever heard that saying that "All roads lead to Rome"? Well, it's simply not true. Not all religions lead to God. or heaven. or Nirvana. or a "happy place". There is only one True God, one Savior, one Holy Spirit. He is THE way to eternal life. Not "a" way, but THE way! And let me tell you, it's a great road to travel! Just like any road in life, there are bumps, potholes, and booby traps. The Bible says this road is narrow and not often traveled. But the very best thing about this road, this way of life, is that you will NEVER be alone! It will never be dark, for God promises to be a lamp for our feet and a light to our path!

If you have never chosen Christ as your Savior and you want Him to be your Lord, just take a minute. Close your eyes so that you don't get distracted by the things going on around you. Pray. Just talk to God. There is no format you have to follow or special words you have to say. Just talk. And listen. It's often said that accepting Christ is as easy as ABC. A: Admit you are a sinner. Tell God you realize you've missed His mark, and turn away from those sins! B: Believe that Jesus is God's son and that He overcame death to pay the tab on your sin-debt! C: Confess that you are choosing, right here and now, Jesus Christ as your Lord and you will here on out choose to live your life with God as your Lord!

When you open your eyes, you might not physically feel any different. You probably still have that scar on your left knee and your breath still stinks. But your heart may seem different. Like the weight of the world has been lifted from your chest. Almost like you are no longer going to be a slave! Yeah, you still gotta go to work and pay your bills every month. You might have to make some really tough decisions, but you will never be the same! You ARE good enough because Christ is enough and you are now with HIM! Like if you go to a club, you can get in because G-to-the-Zus steps out and says, "Oh, she's with me. She can come on in." Doesn't that ROCK??!

Next step: go find and tell someone. Got a Grandma that spends time with God everyday and knows about this whole God-stuff? Call her. Still have your old youth guy's number in your phone? Dial it. Don't know who to go to? Most likely if you're reading this, it's because we're friends and you're only doing it to be nice. Which also means you probably have my number. You can call me! I would love to talk to you about this huge decision you just made and pray with you! No, I won't have all the answers to your questions (the trinity just blows my mind. I'm at peace with the fact that I'll never understand it), but we can dive into God's word together and find out what He has to say!

I love you, dear friend! If you did just invite Christ into your life, I want to congratulate you on making the best decision you'll ever make! Now go and be free! And grab a doughnut while you're at it...

In Christ,

The Crazy Late Night Blogger

A glimmer...

Today was a hard day. Quite frankly, it sucked. And I'm mad. And nauseous. I woke up with a pounding headache and wanted to stay in bed all day, pretending the clock wasn't ticking, that time wasn't passing, because I knew come 2pm, my headache was going to be the best part of my day. Two o'clock meant I was arriving at the church to attend the family hour in which we all stood around and looked at each other, making small talk, as a tiny lifeless body, measuring only a pound at his last weigh-in before he died, lay silent in a casket the size of my largest tupperware container.

His preemie sized shirt had the sleeves rolled up to the armpit seam because even the tiniest of baby clothing swallowed him whole. His broken hearted mom and dad were so gracious, receiving their friends and loved ones with hugs, thank you's, and tear stained cheeks. They're wonderful people. Wonderful people experiencing such horrific pain and sorrow.

After we got our own two precious miracles home and settled in for the evening I meandered in and checked my email, Facebook, Twitter, blah, blah, blah. A few kind hearted people had written things such as "It was a nice service" and "Such a nice way to remember him".

I felt rage well up within me. No, not toward these people. They are right, in a sense. Pastor Mark did a phenomenal job leading a "nice" service. His message was exactly what Robin and Tommy needed to hear, the song selection seemed perfect.

But all I wanted to do was stand up in my pew and scream at the top of my lungs like a crazy lunatic! I wanted to pick up a chair and throw it across the room! I HATE THIS! It's not right that a mother who has waited 48 years to experience the amazing and unexplainable love that is shared between her heart and her child is sitting through his funeral! It's not okay with me that next week marks what should be the ninth birthday of my friend's son, but instead she'll be decorating his headstone with Spiderman balloons! I HATE IT that every time I see anything more than a few flowers placed together it takes me back to a day two years ago when our church had thousands upon thousands of flowers lined up on walls, tucked in corners, piled up in the foyer, practically on the roof because our pastor was killed before our very eyes 4 days prior. I can't even go in the gardening center entrance at Walmart because the sweet smell of flowers smacks me in the face like a Louisville slugger, instantly jarring me back to the moment I watched a man stand over Fred and shoot him! I HATE THIS! I HATE death and destruction. I don't understand it. The Bible tells us that satan comes to "steal, kill, and destroy". And I hate to be such a Debbie Downer, but satan's pretty good at his job. And I HATE him for it. I HATE satan and the pain he inflicts on God's children.

Usually, I try to use my blog to communicate positive messages. To see the bright side, the silver lining, the lemons-into-lemonade stuff. But today I've got nothing for you.

Well, that's not totally true. Yes, this post is mainly because it's after midnight, I have to get up for my last day of work in 6 hours, and when I lay in bed and close my eyes the only thing I see is Ethan's tiny body.

And all I want to do is run straight out my back door, barefoot and in my PINE t-shirt, all the way to the cemetery, dig through the mud with my hands, and pray for God to raise Ethan up, just like He did a few thousand years ago in the story of Ezekiel and the dry bones. And I sob. And I have to go kiss my children while they sleep.

But I do have a glimmer of hope.

A glimmer so dim tonight that I'm having a hard time believing it's anything more than a mirage.

God's Word not only warns us of satan's ruthless tactics, but He offers reprieve from the attack of pain and suffering. Stop for a moment. You need to be ready for this. You've heard it recited gajillions of times. But this time make it real in your life. This is for you!

Matthew 11:28 records Jesus saying, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

It sounds so elementary, but when I picture Him saying this, I see him with his rough dark skin, his messy beard, and his dirt-underneath fingernails leading the way as he extends His perfect hands toward me. His eyes make my heart skip a beat. Kinda like when Tim kissed me for the first time, but only different...way better, and in a father-daughter kind of way and not a husband-wife kind of way. The rough-and-tumble man strangely appeals to my aching heart. I'm so tired that I just want to collapse into those arms; the same arms that bear such ugly and wrinkled scars, the kind you see in movies that make you gasp. But these scars don't make me gasp in horror. They break my heart and mend it all at once. As he wraps me in His embrace, I feel a warmth I've never felt before. No, I'm not hot, but the warmth penetrates beyond my flesh a bones. I feel complete. It's not that I've forgotten about how bad it hurt when I lost my first baby to miscarriage on Mother's Day 4 years ago. No, I'm not "over" Fred's death. But this man, the one they call "Savior", the one people have mocked, watered-down, and hidden is suddenly nothing more and nothing less than mine. Right here, right now. I am His. He is mine. I am His. He is mine. His glory, His perfection, His LOVE is so much bigger than my heartache, my hatred, my pain-so-deep-it-triggers-my-gag-reflex.

For a moment, I'll close my eyes and try to imagine what it will be like to spend countless, literally countless, days living in that healing cradle of His arms. The Bible teases me by telling me that heaven is greater than anything I can even try to dream up. Even when I squint my eyes and try really hard, I'm not even scratching the surface. But for now, I'll take my weariness and burden and rest in Him. Yep, I still hurt, I still want to puke, and I'm still mad as a hornet, but someday I won't.

Holy Lord, precious Savior, my great Healer. Thank you. Thank you for the gift of new life, and the promise of healing. I don't understand your ways sometimes. But your plans are better. Your will is greater. You are a really great God! Tonight many of us are hurting, and we desperately need you. Please bring your healing presence to aching hearts everywhere tonight, sweet Jesus. Specifically, I pray for Robin and Tommy as they mourn for Ethan. I pray for Daven, one of the sweetest women you've ever created, as she begins another year without her firstborn. And I pray for Cindy, as she gears up for another summer of single parenting. God- we need You. Please come. Please heal us!

Love,

The Crazy Lunatic

Good stuff

Sometimes life can get a little prickly. Other times it can seem like a downright attack from a pack of rabid porcupines! My mom sent me an email last week with a list of really helpful tips for making the most of life. I feel like there are too many to remember, but I can't narrow it down! They're all really good! Many of them are principles God spells out for us in His Word. Anyway, enough of my rambling and on to the good stuff.

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a spiritually enlightening book with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.
36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

Testimony...is it ongoing?

Last Thursday night I was at Bible study with a group of my favorite sisters in Christ and I had an "ah-ha" moment. One lady was sharing about a time long ago when she was listening to others give their testimonies about coming to know Christ and how it affected her. To be quite honest, my mind wondered from her story at that point as I considered my own testimony. Up to this point, if someone was to ask me about my testimony it would go a little something like this:

"When I was 7 years old, I remember watching others go forward during the invitation at the end of our church service. I wanted to know more, so I asked my mom and dad what it was all about. They explained that in order to spend eternity in heaven with God, we must accept the free gift of salvation through Christ's death on the cross and commit to living our lives for him. My parents took me to the preacher's house to further talk with him and I decided that was the choice I was making! Pastor Olen Evans walked me through the sinner's prayer and told me that the next week I could go forward in church! I was so excited! I found myself itchy with anticipation through the whole service and FINALLY it was time for the invitation. I walked my tiny little second grade self up the isle of the country church and proclaimed, 'I want to be advertised!' Laughter rolled across the congregation as my mom wanted to crawl under the pew with embarrassment. Turns out, I really wanted to be baptized. So, the next week I wore my ruffly neon striped dress (cut me some slack...it was the early 90's!) and Pastor Olen dunked me in ordinary water to show the world that I was now a daughter of God! My life continued on as a normal kid and when I was 16, I accepted a call into the ministry, but didn't really know the details. A handful of years later, I understood my call to the ministry a little better when I married a young pastor. The rest is history!"

But that was until last Thursday. What if...could it be? Have you ever thought that your testimony was still being written? Could it be that what I'm going through today is part of God's grander plan for my tomorrow? What about you? Do you think that maybe God is teaching you, molding you, disciplining you so that in the future your story might connect you with another person who needs to hear about God's saving grace?

Anyway, that might not seem that "ah-ha"-ish to you, but it was for me. It encouraged me to see beyond the here-and-now and to keep my focus on the bigger picture, which is a reminder I seem to need daily! If you're having a stinky day, just remember that God makes Lysol to make stinky days not-so-stinky. And His Lysol comes in many forms: scripture passages, good friends, and chocolate, just to name a few.

Widows and Orphans

James 1:27 says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

That verse means so much to Tim and I. As some of you may know, I'm twice adopted. Once by my Heavenly Father in the spring of 1993; God chose me to be His daughter and saved me from a lifetime of bondage to sin and an eternity in hell. And again in April of 1994 by my earthy father David; he chose me as his one and only daughter and has loved me as if I was his flesh a blood every day since then. Both of my Dads are incredible, and I'm beyond grateful for each of them. My Heavenly Father has commanded me (and you!) to take James 1:27 and make it happen. Back up 5 verses and the Bible says to be ye doers of the Word, and not merely hearers. Don't just read it, do it!

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lawson! Where are you going with this?" Well, hear me out for just a second. There are 143 million (did you get that? ONE HUNDRED FORTY-THREE MILLION) orphans in the world. That's more than 17 times the population of NYC! I just googled it and did the math. Get up from your computer, walk to your children's bedroom, and watch them sleep. They have soft cotton pajamas caressing their skin, bellies full of warm milk, and hair that gives off that soothing smell of Johnson and Johnson. If you're like me, you've been in to check on them three times already tonight, kissing them and whispering sweet nothings in their ears before tip-toeing out of the room, leaving the door ajar so you'll hear them if they wake up scared. You're a great mom, and your children are blessed to have you. But think of all those tiny babies, young children, and budding teenagers. They're sleeping in over-crowded orphanages, if they've been fortunate enough to be taken in. Many of them call a dirt alley home and find inadequate nourishment by digging through trash bins, never knowing the comfort of a fresh, warm meal. The majority of them don't even own a pair of shoes or a blanket to snuggle with, but most of all not a single one of them has a Mommy like you to hold them. Their cries go unanswered and their cheeks know all too well the familiar trail that tears blaze across that unkissed face.

I'm really struggling to write this tonight. My heart is physically hurting to even think of one precious life in need of a family. I can't think about it for long, it makes me want to be sick. I've just read Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to SEE". It's a wonderful book, you should read it as soon as you get a chance. But beware, you'll call the closest adoption agency and ask for paperwork to be overnighted to you before you finish the book.

Tim and I accepted the call on our lives to adopt 18 months ago and started walking through the process. However, we realized that yes, God is calling us to adopt, it's just not yet. I was pregnant. Today, Emmanuel is 7 months old and we have prayed much about this and feel like it's not yet time to adopt. Soon, just not yet. Many of our friends have also accepted the call to adopt. Our friends Mike and Michelle just sent off their dossier to Ethiopia in hopes of being matched with a little "chocolate chip" as she calls him. A deacon and his wife from church are becoming licensed as foster parents with the goal of adopting a child out of the foster care system. Another couple from church, Mike and Brandi, just traveled to Russia for the first of three trips to meet their new daughter Elyse. I'm so proud of all these couples. They're not just reading God's word, they are doing God's word!

But adoption isn't for everyone. Just because you cannot adopt, that doesn't mean you are not doing God's will. The verse talks about caring for orphans and widows. Tim's Aunt Evelyn (perhaps one of the sweetest and Godliest women alive) hosts a lunch every Valentine's Day for the widows in her church. She prepares a beautiful feast for them and asks them all to talk about their Valentines, who are now walking the streets of gold. She's doing God's word! Many people I know sponsor children through Compassion International, which offers impoverished children across the world a fighting chance at life through food, education, and medicine. They're doing God's word! What about you? What are you doing to follow God's call to care for the uncared-for? Can you support foster parents in your neighborhood by taking a meal every once in a while? Maybe you're an empty nester and long for the sounds of pitter-pattering steps on your hard wood floors. Can you offer an evening of free babysitting for the couple whose family recently grew through adoption? Maybe you've been richly blessed with finances. Adoption is expensive (to put it lightly) and you could help connect an orphan with a forever family by sending someone a check.

Here's what you can do right now. You can stop reading this crazy blog, and pray. Ask God what He wants you to do. Talk with your family and develop a vision to make a difference. Even if you only help one child, that means because of you there will only be 142,999,999 orphans left and God will be immensely glorified in your obedience.

Are you ready? Here we go!

On being a woman

Child of God. Wife. Mom. Seamstress. Those are my four top jobs in life. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at them, but the reality is that I could really use some improvement! No, no...this isn't a pity party or a beat-me-up session. I'm being honest. I think if we ever get to a point where we believe we have "arrived" in life and are the best we will ever be- then it's time to worry! Proverbs 30:10 through the end of the chapter talks about a "wife of noble character". She's a pretty great lady but sometimes (when I'm feeling extra selfish) I wish she never existed, because she makes me feel rotten! But seriously, I admire the woman that God was bragging about and I like to use her as my rubric for living! The passage talks about how her husband has confidence in her, how she brings him good and not evil (aka trash talking him on the phone to her best friend). It talks about her hard work ethic and how she serves the poor. She's a strong woman, able to laugh, and knows that true value comes from fearing the Lord!

So, why put in the extra effort? Why not just say whatever comes to my mind, avoid contact with the person who could use a little help, or sit on the couch with my bucket of ice-cream, a spoon, and the remote? It's hard work being like her! Why do it? Please find Exhibit A:

He's my man. He brings home the bacon. He is the best father to my babies I ever could have asked for! He's the sexiest thing I've ever laid eyes on (sorry, I got carried away). He makes me want to be a better wife and be more like Christ!

Exhibit B:

He's my monster baby (well, he's not much of a baby anymore). He says the funniest things. I have loved him from the very moment his existence was realized through two purple lines on a wet stick. On the snowy Monday he was born, my chest physically hurt as I experienced love like never before. He makes me want to be more like Christ so that he will learn to be like Christ!

And finally, Exhibit C:

Look at her, my sweet baby girl. Have you ever seen eyes so beautiful or a face so kissably sweet? She's giggly, curious, and oh-so-tender. Someday she'll be my best girlfriend. We will have shopping days just the two of us where we'll buy way too many shoes and eat entirely too much Italian food. She makes me want to love Jesus more so that she will love Jesus more.

Ladies, I know it's hard to keep going sometimes. Last night I wanted to sell my husband on Ebay (or really just give him to anyone who would take him). Today I yelled at Eli in the Wal-Mart parking lot for locking me out of the van in the hurricane force winds and the sleet shooting me in the face. I was horrible and ugly. That's not the woman God wants me to be. So, I'll wake up tomorrow and try again. I'll learn from yesterday and work on doing better tomorrow. I'm so blessed to have women all around me who are a modern day version of the Proverbs 31 woman. Would you join me in becoming more like her?

Love,

Gwenny

Marriage

Marriage. According to Grover, it's when two people get married, and they kiss and hug and live together and help each other. According to God it's when two become one.

Two weeks ago we found out that a couple that was very influential in our lives were calling it quits on their marriage. They are two very Godly people that I've respected for years! They lead in the church they attend. They appeared to have it all together. But they didn't. It really shook Tim and I up. If they can't make it, who can? we thought.

Around the same time, I started working on a video for last night's "The Gathering: Going To The Chapel" event in which married couples in our church sent me a picture of themselves and the number of years they had been married. It was SO encouraging! Picture after picture came in, years of marriage were stacking up, and many of the people included notes like, "I love him more today than I did when we got married 20 years ago!"

Watch it here:

And last night we had our event, it was a really fun and successful night, and I learned a lot! Tim and I hosted a marriage discussion panel with the Hufty's (our new senior pastor and his wife) and the students texted in questions they wanted answered.

One of the best ones was, "How do you get through arguments?" The Hufty's offered several bits of really helpful advice:

• Don't use "You" statements (ie: You did such-and-such! You are mean! You hurt me!). Instead, talk about you feel (ie: I felt hurt when..., I don't understand...., etc)
• Never defend yourself. It's very hard to do, but when you surrender, your spouse will automatically back down simply because you're not fighting back.
• Only get upset about the things that really matter. (This one actually came from Tim, but I really believe it's helpful and wanted to share it, too!) When you get upset about everything, you will quickly lose your spouse's ear because you're always griping about something! We call it "save your get-upset points" because if you raise a stink about everything (and this goes for all areas of life, not just marriage) then no one listens. It's like crying wolf.

Another great question was, "How do you keep God the center of your relationship?" Pastor Tom said, "Not to be cliche, but it's not a task. I want to sound more profound than this, but I love Jesus and I love Rhonda. I want to help Rhonda love Jesus more. She wants to help me love Jesus more." They both talked about always pointing each other back to the Lord and constantly praying for one another. It's also important to keep Christ the center of your own life. If you and your spouse are totally aligned with God and His will, then your marriage will be right on track!

I hope you all found this as helpful as I did! It was a wonderful time and I wish you all could have been there with us! Now eat, drink (diet coke), and be married!

Love,

Gwenny

Take Time to Laugh

So tonight Tim had a wonderful and sweet idea to take us all 4 out to hit the DQ drive-thru for mini blizzards (at a buck-49, how could you go wrong?). We loaded up in the van, drove to Troy for 2 extra tiny but still satisfying delights, and came home. I stood on the porch holding the car seat on my arm waiting for Tim to let us in the back door and he looked at me with a "let's get on with this already" look as if I was supposed to unlock the back door. Mind you, I rarely lock our door because fumbling in the cold to find my keys with 2 teeth-chattering little ones is simply too much work. If someone want to break in, I don't think they'll let a puny lock stop them. Plus, no one wants anything in our house (except maybe my secret chocolate stash). Tim, on the other hand, locks the door every time he leaves, which includes tonight. Anyway, back to the story, neither of us had house keys.

I gave him my best "Fix this NOW!" look and grumbled that I was taking the kids to Miss Sherry's house until he found a way to get us in. I was mad. No... furious. No... flames-shooting-out my-ears-enraged. As I began to stomp southward to our sweet neighbor's house, I turned back long enough to see Tim was weaseling the kitchen window open. "Well, stink!" I thought to myself. I knew I was going to have to help him.

I stomped back to the open window, which only opens about 15 inches and is a good 6 or 7 feet off the ground (it was well over Tim's head). He put his hands together and gave me a silly grin that offered a boost up into the window. I smiled and thought, "At least this will get us in the house." So I put my foot in his hands and stepped up, barely reaching the window. Eli was laughing, Tim began to laugh, I was laughing a little bit. I would have been all out giggling, but I was too busy having my abs ripped to shreds by the uneven metal casing around the window. And as I was struggling to pull myself through the window that was obviously installed FAR too high, I broke wind. Which in turn led to uncontrollable laughter from everyone. Even Emmanuel was giggling! It took a good 2 or 3 minutes for me to wrangle myself through the window, but after I fought through the stupid blinds and got my feet unstuck, I landed with a "ker-THUD!" taking out the trash can and kitchen island in the process. Tim's laughter stopped and he yelled, "Are you okay?" My only response was boughts of laughter separated by groans of pain. I unlocked the door, Tim brought the kids in, and we dried the tears that the belly laughter had brought on.

Tim was unselfishly noble enough to look me over top to bottom, back up the top again, and a good look all around me for any bruises or lacerations (which there are a few). I'm in one piece, the kids are in the warm house, and Tim isn't in the doghouse. Most importantly, I came out with a good lesson.

I need to be much less high strung. I need to take a chill pill and make some lemonade when life issues a bowl of lemons! I need to be much gentler on Tim, not be so quick to bark at Eli, and treat others with love and kindness, just as Christ is with me! The Bible tells us, "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger." See James 1:19. I have a feeling Jesus was a fun guy to hang around with. I truly believe God has a sense of humor. Let's be sure to join Him in laughter!

And PS- don't tell anyone I farted. Thanks.

Gwenny

Giver or Taker?

Today at church, we celebrated our new Senior Pastor's first Sunday at our church (well, actually he's been our interim for a year, but what Baptist would pass up an opportunity to eat?!). I got to sit with a sweet couple from our church that we have been so blessed to know. Their names are Mark and Debbie and they are two of the most generous people we know. About two years ago, their son was in the hospital and Tim went to go make a visit and pray with them; ever since, Mark and Debbie have showed so much kindness to us that we have come to a point of not understanding it. They are just SO full of love!

So on the way home, I got to thinking about people. Most of us fall into two categories: givers and takers. Mark and Debbie are certainly givers. Not only are they givers of tangible "stuff", but they are givers of love! They hardly know us, but today Debbie held Emmanuel for a long time, whispered sweet nothings in her ear, covered her chubby cheeks with kisses, and protected her with a momma bear-like mentality from the barrage of germ covered kids that were running around us. Mark asked what I wanted to drink, went and got it for me, and then took up Eli and my plates when we were done eating (Tim was off doing the pastoral thing- "working the crowd").

I want to be more like Mark and Debbie! I want to leave those around me with a feeling of "Wow! I feel loved!" Jesus was and still is the very same way! He was the Giver of all givers! He washed the feet of his students (see John 13). He spent time talking with a prostitute when everyone else walked a block out of the way to avoid having to converse with such a lowly creature (see John 4). He stressed the importance of caring for orphans and widows when the rest of society abandoned them (see James 1:27). He gave me two precious and perfectly healthy babies when modern medicine says that I should never have even conceived a child!

What are you? A giver or taker? Are you living your life giving love, giving encouragement, giving your time, talents, and money to those around you? I know, I know. You have bills. You have work. You are so busy. So is God! He has 6 billion children to attend to EVERY DAY! Yikes...and I thought having two butts to wipe was hard! But He will not stop giving everything for you. He gave his Son to pay for your sins and for mine. That was my cross He died on. That was my lashing He took! Won't you take a moment today to be a giver? I have a suspicion you will come out of it more blessed than the recipient!

I love you all, dear sisters!

Gwenny

The Best Job in the World

As many of you may know, I run a designing and sewing business out of my home to make some extra money for our family. And as many of you may have figured out, it kinda makes me crazy. I have a tendency to sew at all hours of the night and then I'm grouchy from not getting sleep and I qualify for world's worst mother; it's just a cycle I couldn't seem to get out of. Everything in our home centered around me getting orders done for clients, whether it was going on fabric runs, Tim watching the kids so I could sew more, or me trying to find ways to occupy the kids while I sew. Housework gets neglected, laundry piles up, everyone is hungry and sick of splitting a $5 footlong, you get the picture.

So, I emailed a mentor who is new in my life. I asked for her advice. I asked what she thought. I asked if she thought I should just give it all up and go get a "real" job. Well, that's when she really let loose and gave me a ear full on what I believe God wanted to tell me.

First of all, let me correct one thing that is kind of a pet peeve of mine. When you talk about a "real" job--there is no other job on the planet that is more "real" than a stay-at-home mom. I even corrected a co-worker this past week when he asked me, "are you going to work?" I immediately answered, "do you mean outside the home?" I get a little worked-up on this issue. I have had some incredible workplace experiences and successes. Many of which have received accolades and high praise. I'm very proud of these accomplishments. BUT--my greatest lifework is still ongoing. I am first and foremost a wife and mother. My passion is my family. I know you completely understand and agree with this. After stepping out of the workplace for over 16 years, I was asked if I would interview for a position as a Public Relations Director. I knew that part of the interview might focus on those 16 years. I told my husband, if they ask me what I did during those 16 years, my answer would simply be, "have you met my kids?" Nothing else needed to be said. I was proud of my contribution to the extraordinary individuals they had developed/grown to be at that time. (I think this is what clenched the deal and the job was offered immediately.)

Your unique contributions to society and to the Kingdom are named "Eli" and "Emmanuel." What a responsibility. What a REAL job. No one can accomplish what you can in and through these precious lives. I know you understand and believe this--it's just good to be reminded of the REAL life-changing job you have. The best part of this? You love this job!

So, to all you moms out there, whether you work outside the home or stay home, what you do MATTERS! What on earth could be more important than your husband and children? Could an extra $300 bucks a month really deserve your attention over those sweet brown eyes looking up at you asking for more "chokkit meewk"? Does a potential bonus at work that would require you to stay extra hours mean more to you than chubby fingers clapping at your silly rendition of Old MacDonald? Of course not!

You may spend 40 hours a week at a desk so that your family can have a better life, or (like me) you may spend what seems like a zillion hours a week wiping butts, doing laundry, cooking meals, washing yogurt out of hair (how did that even happen?), and filling every role needed in your home. Please know that all of you hard work at home with your kids is really making a difference! Your children will be better people someday because you invested in them. They will remember you sitting down and reading to them, teaching them letters, baking cookies with them.

Don't be discouraged! Maybe you need a mommy day or a trip to Hearts At Home to refill you and renew your zeal for life! Don't get torn up because the here and now is hard! Try to think of what life will be like many years down the road. And, most importantly, arrange your priorities in such a way that reflects what God has called you to do. Sewing is not my life's calling. Tim, Eli, and Emmanuel are. So, I took my friend's advice and made some changes! I now have office hours and can only sew during those hours. I have a bed time and if I stick to it, I get to go for a pedicure after 21 days (it takes 21 days to make or break a habit). I'm so excited about what life is going to look like. I told Tim today that I didn't know what to do with myself today because usually I'd be sewing all afternoon while he cared for the kids. So, I cleaned up the house, took care of the laundry pile in the bathroom that was literally as high as my mom-jeans waistband, and took a nap on the couch (which involved cuddling both kids at two different times).

Eli is golfing in the living room right now, so I think I'll join him and after a quick prayer with you all!

Lord, you know that I often lose sight of Your plan for my life. You know how I get my priorities out of whack and put "stuff" ahead of what really matters. And Lord, I know I'm not alone in this. I know my sisters in you sometimes fall down, too! Please give us the vision to see past life right now, and the wisdom to live for what You want us to live for! Show us how to raise the sweet and precious (and sometimes crazy) children You have given us and to teach them to love You! Thank you, sweet Savior, for your loving kindness and for always reigning me back in when I fall right off life's path You have laid out. We love you and praise you! AMEN!