The Best Job in the World

As many of you may know, I run a designing and sewing business out of my home to make some extra money for our family. And as many of you may have figured out, it kinda makes me crazy. I have a tendency to sew at all hours of the night and then I'm grouchy from not getting sleep and I qualify for world's worst mother; it's just a cycle I couldn't seem to get out of. Everything in our home centered around me getting orders done for clients, whether it was going on fabric runs, Tim watching the kids so I could sew more, or me trying to find ways to occupy the kids while I sew. Housework gets neglected, laundry piles up, everyone is hungry and sick of splitting a $5 footlong, you get the picture.

So, I emailed a mentor who is new in my life. I asked for her advice. I asked what she thought. I asked if she thought I should just give it all up and go get a "real" job. Well, that's when she really let loose and gave me a ear full on what I believe God wanted to tell me.

First of all, let me correct one thing that is kind of a pet peeve of mine. When you talk about a "real" job--there is no other job on the planet that is more "real" than a stay-at-home mom. I even corrected a co-worker this past week when he asked me, "are you going to work?" I immediately answered, "do you mean outside the home?" I get a little worked-up on this issue. I have had some incredible workplace experiences and successes. Many of which have received accolades and high praise. I'm very proud of these accomplishments. BUT--my greatest lifework is still ongoing. I am first and foremost a wife and mother. My passion is my family. I know you completely understand and agree with this. After stepping out of the workplace for over 16 years, I was asked if I would interview for a position as a Public Relations Director. I knew that part of the interview might focus on those 16 years. I told my husband, if they ask me what I did during those 16 years, my answer would simply be, "have you met my kids?" Nothing else needed to be said. I was proud of my contribution to the extraordinary individuals they had developed/grown to be at that time. (I think this is what clenched the deal and the job was offered immediately.)

Your unique contributions to society and to the Kingdom are named "Eli" and "Emmanuel." What a responsibility. What a REAL job. No one can accomplish what you can in and through these precious lives. I know you understand and believe this--it's just good to be reminded of the REAL life-changing job you have. The best part of this? You love this job!

So, to all you moms out there, whether you work outside the home or stay home, what you do MATTERS! What on earth could be more important than your husband and children? Could an extra $300 bucks a month really deserve your attention over those sweet brown eyes looking up at you asking for more "chokkit meewk"? Does a potential bonus at work that would require you to stay extra hours mean more to you than chubby fingers clapping at your silly rendition of Old MacDonald? Of course not!

You may spend 40 hours a week at a desk so that your family can have a better life, or (like me) you may spend what seems like a zillion hours a week wiping butts, doing laundry, cooking meals, washing yogurt out of hair (how did that even happen?), and filling every role needed in your home. Please know that all of you hard work at home with your kids is really making a difference! Your children will be better people someday because you invested in them. They will remember you sitting down and reading to them, teaching them letters, baking cookies with them.

Don't be discouraged! Maybe you need a mommy day or a trip to Hearts At Home to refill you and renew your zeal for life! Don't get torn up because the here and now is hard! Try to think of what life will be like many years down the road. And, most importantly, arrange your priorities in such a way that reflects what God has called you to do. Sewing is not my life's calling. Tim, Eli, and Emmanuel are. So, I took my friend's advice and made some changes! I now have office hours and can only sew during those hours. I have a bed time and if I stick to it, I get to go for a pedicure after 21 days (it takes 21 days to make or break a habit). I'm so excited about what life is going to look like. I told Tim today that I didn't know what to do with myself today because usually I'd be sewing all afternoon while he cared for the kids. So, I cleaned up the house, took care of the laundry pile in the bathroom that was literally as high as my mom-jeans waistband, and took a nap on the couch (which involved cuddling both kids at two different times).

Eli is golfing in the living room right now, so I think I'll join him and after a quick prayer with you all!

Lord, you know that I often lose sight of Your plan for my life. You know how I get my priorities out of whack and put "stuff" ahead of what really matters. And Lord, I know I'm not alone in this. I know my sisters in you sometimes fall down, too! Please give us the vision to see past life right now, and the wisdom to live for what You want us to live for! Show us how to raise the sweet and precious (and sometimes crazy) children You have given us and to teach them to love You! Thank you, sweet Savior, for your loving kindness and for always reigning me back in when I fall right off life's path You have laid out. We love you and praise you! AMEN!

A broken heart

Today I had the privelege of sharing a couple hours with a new friend. We've known eachother for a while, but not much beyond, "Hi!" as we're rushing to drop our kids off at school. I was so blessed today as she opened her heart up and, unbeknownced to her, she taught me so much in such a short amount of time.

She's a sweet young mom of three young boys, the youngest of which spent our entire two hours together licking cream cheese out of the little plastic container, melting every heart within eye sight! One of her boys is in kindergarten, and the other is dancing the streets of gold hand-in-hand with our Savior. He died when he was 5 years old, just a few years ago.

Can I first just say that I don't think I could ever survive losing one of my children? But after today's conversation, I stand in awe at how God sustains us. My new friend told me a lot about the loss of her son and how she responded to it (tears and snot everywhere on my part, but she looked gorgeous even through tears!). She was full of grace; strength radiated from her; she spoke many times of "my husband and I...". God's hand was evident in everything she shared, whether is was her individual pain, the strength of her marriage in the midst of these horrendous circumstances, or releasing fear for the safety of her other 2 boys.

The Bible says in Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Dear sisters in Christ, is that true in your life? I can say with certainty that I could trust God to carry me through sickness, poverty, and rough times, but would I weep in His arms and lean fully into Him if He chose to take one of my children? Be real with me for a moment and really search your heart. I'm ashamed to share with you that I don't know that I could do that!

I asked my sweet friend, "How have you even been able to continue living? How hard is it just to get up in the morning and keep going?" She paused, lip quivering, and said, "Because of God! His strength, knowing He is in control and that I am not, and knowing that my son is in heaven with Him! How could I ever take the opportunity for my son to be in Heaven, never knowing the pains and trials of earth, away from him?" She is the manifestation of Psalm 73:26, truly making God the strength of her heart and her portion for this time of such pain and brokenness.

This isn't to say that she doesn't have tough days. She was real and transparent enough with me to share that she has sad days and mad days, calling God every name in the book. But I think we can all relate to our heavenly Father when we hold our children tight even when they are screaming angrily at us. He's infinately more loving than we are, and even when we lash out at Him, He continues to hold us, running His holy fingers through our hair and whispering, "I know you're hurting, my child. I know your heart is broken and I am so sorry. I love you so much, even though you are angry."

So my take-away from today's experience is to truly make Him my strength, relying on Him for my validation, my satisfaction, my healing. My heart absolutely breaks for my sweet friend, and I pray fervently that I will never be in her shoes, but I stand amazed at how God has held her up, protected her marriage, surrounded her with a loving church family and support system, and made her a phenomenal mother. Please, if you don't know the same loving and compassionate God that works everyday miracles, make Him your strength and your portion today! Even if you never experience the tragedy of losing your child, His great love makes even spilled milk easier to bear. My love to you all!

In Christ,

Gwenny

What's in your mouth?

Please read below, preparing yourself first by crossing your legs extra tights so you don't pee a little bit when you laugh. This is a hysterical account written by my sister-in-law, Alyssa, and I couldn't help but share it. The only thing you need to know is that Diesel is a lanky doberman pinscher and they live here in Illinois...nowhere near Minneapolis.

Everyday at lunch, when Diesel gets let outside, he instantly starts running all over, about 72 mph, passing briefly through Minneapolis. However, today was different, running about half the speed as normal, only because the polar bear in him was insistent that he consume half of the snow on the ground (white, or otherwise). When it was time to come inside to inhale his lunch, I opened the storm door, which lets out a nice squeak that makes your teeth hurt. That squeak is the equivalent to the gunshot at the start of an Olympic race, and Diesel starts sprinting. Now being a puppy, he still doesn't have the best coordination, well, about the skills of celery when it comes to walking with wet paws on slick surfaces. Diesel was sprinting 72 mph, completely leaping over all 3 steps at the back door, and landed in the kitchen. Luckily, today was trash day because he took out the trash can and still unable to stop before he hits the cabinet. Nose first, folding up like an accordion. While I was crying from laughing so hard, Diesel attempted to get up, sneezing 13 times. Each time he put one foot up, it would slide out from under him, resulting in yet another chin bump. When he finally was able to stand back up, he immediately went to his pillow, and layed down and let out a big sigh. Relieved he is finally done with taking blows to his poor little noggin!

So why would I share this with you other than a good laugh? Well, I'd like to share with you a little bit about Alyssa.

She's just a hair over 5 feet tall and is so skinny she probably has to run around in the shower just to get wet. But the best thing about her is that she never, NEVER speaks an ill word. About anyone. Even when they have rightfully earned a sour reputation.

The Bible tells us in James 3:9-10, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be."

That verse says that we use the same tongue to praise God, but then we turn around and use it again to share a "prayer request". You know exactly what I'm talking about; the kind of prayer request that starts with, "Well, bless so-and-so's heart, but she..." and then we gossip up a storm, pretending all the while to be doing God's holy work. Please don't think for a moment I'm judging you; rather, I'm in a confessional here.

Would you join me in committing to working on how you use your tongue? Ephesians 4:29 tells us to use our tongues to build others up, so let's encourage others, brag on them behind their backs, and point out the good things they're doing instead of criticizing their every action or constantly whining on Facebook. Let's all be like Alyssa, or better yet, like Jesus and be known for our pleasant speech!

Love you all!

In Christ,

Gwenny

Life lessons: $6

I just have to start this off by telling you that I ran upstairs to grab my Bible to work on this blog post and Eli said, "Oh Mommy! You read da Bible?" "Yep, I sure am!" I told him. His little eyes sparkled as he said "I want to read the Bible with us!" It was so sweet.

Yesterday I headed to Walmart to grab some thread and as we were walking in I saw a dog with a coat on; it's was pretty impressive, actually! The owner had cut the arms off a people coat and tied the excess fabric on the dog's back up with a hair tie. The dog was pad locked to a ginormous backpack and it was obvious he was a part of a homeless family. The Holy Spirit spoke to me in that moment so vividly that it rocked me to the core. I was now on a mission to strategically scour the whole store to find the dog's owners and help him/her out. Who cares about royal blue thread in a moment like this?

So I put the kids in the cart and took a loop through the store (swinging by the food section to get some peanut butter crackers- good for humans and coat-clad dogs alike!). I had been through the whole store and couldn't find them. "Lord," I prayed, "I don't know how I'll find these people, but I know You want me to help them, so I need you to help me find them!" I was now at the fabric dept, so I grabbed the silly thread and headed to the checkout so that I could pay for the crackers and at least leave them outside with the dog. As I was headed toward the front of the store, I passed a man and woman who were occupied looking at something. I screeched to a halt, whipped around and words flew out of my mouth without my sending them, "Is that your dog out front?"

They looked at me with a puzzled look and said, "Yeah, she's ours." I then explained that I wanted to help them and asked what they needed. They were $10 short to purchase a much needed backpack, so I gave them all the cash out of my wallet (which amounted to a whopping $6). We all walked together to the backpack section, where we began to get to know one another. Andrew and Ashley are from California but couldn't find work. Ashley's dad lives in South Carolina and told them that if they could get there, he would help them find work. So over the holidays they hitch hiked all the way from one coast to another, but upon arrival, her dad told them he didn't have work for them and they needed to go back to Cali.

Here they are in Edwardsville, Illinois, hungry and out of options. I asked if I could pray with them and they said yes! We prayed, talked a little more, and then I told them I needed to get going but that I would buy the crackers and leave them outside with the dog. I checked out, glad to have met two sweet new friends, and left the bag of snacks with "Sugar" the pit bull mutt. A mail carrier was out there waiting for Andrew and Ashley. Somehow, she had seen the dog and felt compelled to help, too! So I chatted with her for a few minutes and decided to wait with her for Andrew and Ashley to come out so I could see them one last time. When they came out, the mail lady talked to them for a couple minutes, never judging them for being in such a rough situation. I was amazed at how instantly she connected with them and then handed over a generous wad of cash. They literally leapt with excitement and said they could now buy the backpack so they didn't have to carry so many things in their arms.

We said our goodbyes and I headed to the van. Eli said, "Mommy, can I eat some of dose cheese crackers?" I tried to explain that we gave the crackers to our new friends Andrew, Ashley, and Sugar, but all I could do was cry. You see, God didn't bring me to Walmart at exactly the right time so that I could help Andrew, Ashley, and Sugar; rather, God sent me to Walmart at exactly the right time so that THEY could help ME! Through them, God taught me to "obey, right away" (like I tell Eli 100 times a day!). I learned that God has given my family and me SO much! Food, a beautiful home, two amazing children, a husband that provides an incredible life for us, two...count them, TWO working vehicles, and the list could go on for days! And through the mail lady, God taught me to love others with reckless abandon, always leaving judgment behind in a pile of dust. (James 2:13, Mercy triumphs over judgment!)

The Bible tells us in James 1:27 that "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." Andrew and Ashley may not have been orphans, but they were two people in need. And $6, a pack of cheesy peanut butter crackers, and 15 minutes of my day is of no value unless I use it as He leads.

My challenge to you is this: Who is your Andrew/Ashley and what is God calling you to do? Are your eyes open and willing to see those that God wants you to help? And finally, do you realize what an amazing life you and I live? God has been good to us. GREAT to us! I pray that I can somehow teach my children to be thankful to our gracious God, and to be just a gracious to others. Thank you, dear friends, letting my share with you my humbling Walmart life lesson!

In Christ,

Gwenny

Long time, no blog!

Hey friends and family! I haven't blogged in SO long and since both babies are napping (LOVE coordinated naps!), I thought I'd share a bit of what's on my heart.

As most of you know, we experienced a couple plagues, or so it seemed, here on the Lawson homefront recently. We all 4 caught a virus that had us coughing and snotting all through the week of Christmas and then I had the kidney stone and ovarian cyst. Well, the doctor was kind enough to give me some great medicine for the pain, but last night my body refused to sleep because I had stopped taking the medicine (that, and I think I slept 75% of the last week, so I was all "slept-out").

I went in and watched Eli and Emmanuel sleep. Eli is almost THREE! How did that happen? And why does he sometimes hug me, love me, say sweet things to baby Emmanuel and then turn around and throw a tantrum over a lost Woody and Buzz Buzz? But as he lay sleeping, God reminded me that my children are not mine. They are HIS, on loan to me for a short time. I've been tasked with bringing these two sweet babies up as He wants me to. And I gasped as I took a moment to evaluate how I'm doing.

Most of my days are filled with doing. Sewing for clients, washing dishes, cooking meals, picking up toys. How often do I stop and sit down to just stare at my beautiful kids? Rarely, and even then only for a split second. How often do I say, "Not right now, Mommy's busy!" At least 100 times a day. When was the last time I spent intentional time teaching Eli something? Too long ago to remember.

So, change is coming to the Lawson ranch! Teaching Eli how to write letters is more important than the dried up shredded cheese on the kitchen floor (a mouse will probably come eat it if I leave it long enough, anyway). Bundling the kids up and going outside is far more beneficial than getting the dishes done (or worse yet, wasting time on Facebook). But, I need to remember it's a balance. Jesus was the King of balance. He spent time with his disciples, with the lost, and with the hurting, but He also took time to rest and to pray. He met the needs around Him, He invested in those whom were willing to listen, and He spent time with the Father.

I'm not sure I'll ever master life as a stay-at-the-crazy-house-mom. But for now, with a renewed spirit in tow, I'll keep the priorities He has set for me and make sure my actions reflect that. Nope, this isn't a new year's resolution. It's an "I'm tired of living like this" plan for change.

Excuse me while I go creep on my sleeping kids. :)

Gwenny