A broken heart

Today I had the privelege of sharing a couple hours with a new friend. We've known eachother for a while, but not much beyond, "Hi!" as we're rushing to drop our kids off at school. I was so blessed today as she opened her heart up and, unbeknownced to her, she taught me so much in such a short amount of time.

She's a sweet young mom of three young boys, the youngest of which spent our entire two hours together licking cream cheese out of the little plastic container, melting every heart within eye sight! One of her boys is in kindergarten, and the other is dancing the streets of gold hand-in-hand with our Savior. He died when he was 5 years old, just a few years ago.

Can I first just say that I don't think I could ever survive losing one of my children? But after today's conversation, I stand in awe at how God sustains us. My new friend told me a lot about the loss of her son and how she responded to it (tears and snot everywhere on my part, but she looked gorgeous even through tears!). She was full of grace; strength radiated from her; she spoke many times of "my husband and I...". God's hand was evident in everything she shared, whether is was her individual pain, the strength of her marriage in the midst of these horrendous circumstances, or releasing fear for the safety of her other 2 boys.

The Bible says in Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Dear sisters in Christ, is that true in your life? I can say with certainty that I could trust God to carry me through sickness, poverty, and rough times, but would I weep in His arms and lean fully into Him if He chose to take one of my children? Be real with me for a moment and really search your heart. I'm ashamed to share with you that I don't know that I could do that!

I asked my sweet friend, "How have you even been able to continue living? How hard is it just to get up in the morning and keep going?" She paused, lip quivering, and said, "Because of God! His strength, knowing He is in control and that I am not, and knowing that my son is in heaven with Him! How could I ever take the opportunity for my son to be in Heaven, never knowing the pains and trials of earth, away from him?" She is the manifestation of Psalm 73:26, truly making God the strength of her heart and her portion for this time of such pain and brokenness.

This isn't to say that she doesn't have tough days. She was real and transparent enough with me to share that she has sad days and mad days, calling God every name in the book. But I think we can all relate to our heavenly Father when we hold our children tight even when they are screaming angrily at us. He's infinately more loving than we are, and even when we lash out at Him, He continues to hold us, running His holy fingers through our hair and whispering, "I know you're hurting, my child. I know your heart is broken and I am so sorry. I love you so much, even though you are angry."

So my take-away from today's experience is to truly make Him my strength, relying on Him for my validation, my satisfaction, my healing. My heart absolutely breaks for my sweet friend, and I pray fervently that I will never be in her shoes, but I stand amazed at how God has held her up, protected her marriage, surrounded her with a loving church family and support system, and made her a phenomenal mother. Please, if you don't know the same loving and compassionate God that works everyday miracles, make Him your strength and your portion today! Even if you never experience the tragedy of losing your child, His great love makes even spilled milk easier to bear. My love to you all!

In Christ,

Gwenny